{via weheartit}
It probably hasn’t gone unnoticed that I have been somewhat lacking in the blogging department. I find it hard to believe that nearly a month has gone by since my last post but looking at my last post, it clearly has. I have been at my job for a little over three months now.
It is kind of hard to believe but at the same time I am already so settled into this new routine of working every day. When I am at work, college feels years away. I have really arrived in the world of being a working girl – though I definitely need to work on this new routine. When I say that it is hard to believe that three months have passed since I started working full-time, that is also because I feel like I haven’t really done a whole lot outside of work. That is not to say I work all the time, but when I am not working, I am not really doing anything. It’s not just that I am not blogging. I am not doing a whole lot of other things either.
I do watch TV. I do read books. I do sleep. I spend a lot of weekends in Munich where I hang out with friends and family. That is all great but you know, there is so much else I want to do. I feel like in a way, I am wasting away my time by not doing anything special after I get home from work. Because I will keep working full-time for (most of) the rest of my life, so evenings and weekends are all I have. I need to use the time more efficiently than I have in the past three months.
To be honest, I am astounded how you all work full-time and still do all the things you do. Blog every day or at least several times a week. Do this and that. When I cannot even muster up the energy to blog. It’s not like I can’t think of anything to blog about. I can. It’s the actual writing that is hard for me to do. And sometimes I really cannot think of anything interesting to write about. Because nothing interesting seems to happen in my life anymore except for work.
I am trying to build a life for myself in this very small town I now live in. But it is hard, and it takes time. I was speaking with my neighbor the other day and told her how most of what I do after work is read and watch TV. She commented on how both are things you do by yourself. That is something I hadn’t really thought about. I love watching TV and reading. I want to make friends and build a social life but I am not really willing to sacrifice my me-time either. I need both. And I am most definitely not going to stop reading books.
Maybe I have been overdoing it a little sometimes, getting lost in fictional worlds, but reading is something I have loved doing ever since I started reading as a kid. Books are something really amazing and I like to make time for reading. But now that 10 hours of my day are spent at work, I have much less time for other things, so I need to choose. I cannot do it all anymore. I cannot read a whole book in a day and still have time for other things.
Lately I have been finding myself choosing other things over blogging and generally being social on the internet. Which is not bad per se, except that watching TV isn’t really any more productive. But I do miss it. Maybe it is also that now I spend 8 hours a day in front of the computer as it is that I don’t feel as much like spending even more time on it when I get home after work. I miss blogging, and I feel entirely out of the loop with the blogging world. I have had a really hard time keeping up with the blogs I read. Truth to be told, I just mark-as-read all but a few. I love blogging and reading blogs but I just cannot invest the time I used to in it right now. The internet is a huge time suck, and I need to find a balance. Most of you seem to manage it perfectly so I am sure there is a way. I just haven’t found it yet. But this isn’t just about the (lack) of blogging.
I think for my own sake, I need to structure my time off work better. I need to get my butt off the couch and be more active. I need to learn how to manage my time so I can do everything I want to while still getting the down-time I need. I need to improve my prioritizing skills. I may have to drop a few TV shows off my must-watch list (or hope they get canceled). I may have to cut down on the reading. I need to find a balance for my life that makes me feel fulfilled and happy. That makes me feel productive. I especially need to make much better use of the weekends I am not in Munich. Because they usually just pass by just like that and by the time Monday comes around I cannot name anything noteworthy that I did.
Not having any friends in B-town and thus not having a social life makes it so tempting to become lethargic, to just waste my time, to hide in fictional worlds. Because after all, what else am I supposed to do. But life is too short for that. This is all I have right now. And I could be making so much more of what I do have. I cannot wait for things to happen. For my life to change. I need to make these changes myself.
There is a quote that I love:
Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.
- Khalil Gibran
It is safe to say that I am not a small-town person. I miss living in a city terribly. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have a choice. I do. It is up to me to make the best of what I have. I need to stop hiding and embrace my life as it is right now, because for now, it is all I have. It may not be perfect, it may be a compromise, but for a while that is okay, and it could be more than okay if I just accepted it for what it is and made the most of it.