Not a skinny minnie (yet)

It has been a while since the last time I mentioned weight loss on this blog. Back in May I mentioned that I had gained some weight in the spring while taking my exams and that I didn’t want to keep gaining which would take me to a weight I have never been. Well, I ended up gaining some more and by the time I graduated, I had gained a total of 15 pounds. I weighed the most I ever (knowingly) weighed when, finally, in August I started doing Weight Watchers again.

I have not been talking about it much on this blog because I didn’t want to make a big deal of it until I knew I was really sticking to it. That I was really making progress. That I was doing something, not just talking. I decided I would post about it as soon as I had lost my first 10kg (22lbs). And yep, the fact that you are reading this post now means exactly that.

Today, I weighed in, as I do every Wednesday, and I finally made it, I have lost 10kg. It took me four months of doing Weight Watchers, eating healthily (most of the time), and working out regularly (Zumba, line dancing, swimming, and running), but here I am, 22 pounds lighter than I was in August and at my lightest in 18 months.

For the most part, it wasn’t that hard. Some weeks were tougher than others but it’s a lot of small steps that got me here. Baby steps, it’s all about the baby steps.

Now, I am still overweight, and I still have a lot more to lose, but I am super excited at having made it this far. I haven’t lost this much weight in five years. I haven’t stuck to the Weight Watchers program for this long in five years. And I haven’t been in the right mindset, like I am right now, in five years.

The past few months have been hard on me. I have still not found a job and I have a hard time with having this much time off. I have very little to do, and that is hard. But I promised myself that, if nothing else, I will make the most of this time in terms of losing weight. If there has ever been a time in my life to focus on losing weight, eating healthily and working out, that time is now. Once I have a job, I know that losing weight will be much harder. It is so hard to change habits that you have had for the longest time. It is even harder when you are busy with other tasks. So this is my chance. And I am making the most of it.

Progress: 22 pounds lost

Structure

Waiting
{via weheartit}

It’s been nearly two months since I came back from Prague and my life has settled into a routine here. The only problem is, there is not much of a routine. I am in between places in my life and with graduate school in my past and a job in my future, I am left with an undefined present. Of course I am still writing applications but to be perfectly honest, that rarely takes up more than 2-3 hours of my day.

I have made the experience before that when I have little to nothing to do, I fall into a slump. I get lethargic and end up getting even less done which in turn makes me even more lethargic, you get the idea. I know that, as much as I hate having things to do, errands to run, sometimes, not doing anything productive is not good for me. Being productive on the other hand makes me feel good and fills me with energy.

Writing job applications can be a very tiring and frustrating activity. A few times I have come across a job listing and thought I fit the job description so well, and then I didn’t even get invited for an interview. While I know how hard it is to find a job with a degree in humanities, I do believe that for someone with a degree in humanities, my CV is quite good. I have done several internships, have experience living and studying abroad (in two countries!) and I speak two languages fluently, another quite well, and have basic knowledge of two more. I don’t think I am a bad candidate for the jobs I apply for, otherwise I wouldn’t apply for them. But it still doesn’t seem to be enough. So I start questioning myself and my abilities.

Job hunting is frustrating and I need something to balance that out.

Lately I have been trying to come up with things to do while I am in this inbetween space. I have joined a Zumba and line dancing class, I have picked up swimming once a week again and I have also just started running again the other week. This goes hand in hand with my effort to lose weight, something else I have been focusing on now that I have plenty of time. And it’s been great. Zumba is a blast and I am happy about being more active and about shedding the pounds that I gained in the first half of this year.

I also inquired about volunteering at the local public library. It took a few weeks for me to get a response because they only just re-opened last week after being closed for renovations on the building. While they do not need (or rather, do not have the office space for) another volunteer during November, they did say I could volunteer there in December (I can’t wait!). I also worked there on Saturday, and it was so much fun. I mainly just put books, DVDs and CDs back onto the shelves and I also counted parts of the board games that were returned (to make sure none are missing, can you believe they have to do this with every board game after it’s been returned? And have you ever thought about just how many pieces a board game consists of?). They don’t sound like the most exciting or demanding tasks but I really enjoyed them. I contribute this mostly to the fact that I just love books and libraries. I love the atmosphere in libraries. I loved seeing parents browsing books with their kids. I loved kids exclaiming excitedly that they wanted to check out 15 books. I just loved seeing kids be so enthusiastic about reading.

Originally I was only supposed to come in for an hour before they opened, but I ended up staying until half an hour before they closed, from 9am to 1.30pm. The two ladies working at the library were very nice, and for them my working there on Saturday was a sort of trial run to see if I would be helpful for them or not. I think I passed with flying colors. Working there was such a great experience, not just because I enjoyed being at the library. I also really enjoyed being productive and more importantly, being productive for the sake of someone else, not myself. I enjoyed being useful to someone else and contributing to the community. I am planning to research further opportunities of volunteering in this town, because as much as volunteering gives to the community, it also gives a lot to me.

It gives me purpose. And that is priceless.

How do you deal with periods of unemployment? Have you ever volunteered in your community?

The one in which I become one of those girls

I am not one of those girls who decided a year or two ago that leggings are the thing to wear. I am definitely not one of those girls who think that leggings are pants. However, I do have to confess that yesterday, I bought my very first pair of (capri) leggings. I know.

But you know what? They are great.

The first dress I bought at H&M

As I’ve mentioned before, I am overweight. And most of my extra weight goes into my thighs (as well as my upper arms unfortunately). Which presents me with not one, but two problems in the summer.

1) Chubby thighs – I have huge thighs. Especially with the extra weight I have gained in the past few months, there is no way I will wear a dress (or shorts) ending above my knees. I do have huge calves as well but well, but above the knee is where the chub really starts, as well as the cellulite. I have been looking for summer dresses that are longer than knee length but have had a really hard time finding one that is that does not have spaghetti straps. This is where my upper arms come into play. They may be big but wearing a shirt with spaghetti straps is like drawing a big red exclamation mark on them, so I’ve been trying to avoid them.

The second dress I bought at H&M

2) Chub rub – I have been told that this is not necessarily a problem of overweight girls per se, but I do have to deal with it. My inner thighs touch, and if I wear a skirt or a dress without tights, well, let’s just say, it’s very very painful. No dress is worth that pain. For a very long time, my solution to that was not to wear dresses and skirts. For years I never wore them, even though I did like them. Last year I invested in a pair of pantyhose which ends above the knee which is great as it prevents the chafing but you can’t tell I’m wearing it. This works great for skirts and dresses that go past the knee paired with shoes that you can’t really wear pantyhose with.

So, leggings. They allow me to choose from a wider range of dresses as they cover my thighs nicely and they prevent the chafing just like pantyhose does. Double-score! And this? Is why I kind of don’t give a crap whether the dress would look nicer without the leggings because on me, it certainly wouldn’t.

Yesterday, I bought a pair of leggings, and two dresses I would not have bought otherwise. And that? Is awesome. Would the dresses look nicer on a skinnier person? Probably. Did these pictures make me think (again), gosh, Karen, you really have to lose weight? Definitely. But right now, this is what I have, and I know I will be wearing these two dresses as soon as I can.

Do you have to deal with any of these issues, and if so, what are your solutions? And what is your take on wearing leggings under dresses, yay or nay?

Recommitting

Weight Loss

Weight loss has been a permanent concern for me in the past five years. I have never been skinny, but until I started college my weight was still within a healthy range. 4.5 years ago I started doing Weight Watchers, and lost a huge amount of weight but I did not manage to keep it off permanently. For the past year I have been in the same weight range that I originally started out in, sometimes 10 pounds lighter, but always overweight. In December I started the new Weight Watchers program that had just been introduced here. I thought it would give me new motivation to try a new program, something that I didn’t already know in my sleep.

Well, I only did really well for a few weeks, and then made too many exceptions. I was still losing weight, though. Very slowly but the trend was downward. Then March came around and I started studying for my exams. I completely abandoned Weight Watchers. I thought I would just try to eat as healthy as possible while allowing myself more ready-made meals (such as frozen pizzas) on the days when I had no time or energy to cook. Unfortunately, I am really bad at this, you know, allowing myself a little, but not all.

And I should know. For me it is either do Weight Watchers strictly and with no exceptions or I will go way overboard with the junk food (I am not talking McDonald’s or Pizza Hut as I hardly ever eat that but frozen pizzas, chocolate, and chips). I can usually not keep a healthy balance for very long without keeping myself accountable with the help of counting points.

I hate that about myself. Because that is really the key to changing my life style. I do not want to have to count points for the rest of my life. I want a healthy lifestyle to come naturally. I want to want to pick the healthy food option at a restaurant without feeling like I am missing out. I want to be able to say, ‘no thanks I don’t want that chocolate.’ And not be lying. I admire people who genuinely have no interest in chocolate or cookies at times. Who can say no thanks and mean it. Who will not be taking peeks at the box of donuts at work that a co-worker brought and want another one. Because I? Would love another donut, another piece of chocolate, another handful of chips!

That is why when I do WW properly, I have no chips or chocolate (though I do sometimes buy the dark 80% cocoa one as I don’t like it as much), and I do not even bother buying any of the food I can’t say no to. But in the past weeks? I have probably consumed more chips than in the past two years. Originally, my plan was just to focus on exams and not worry about my weight until exams are over, but I have already gained 7 pounds over the past 7 weeks, and if I keep up that rate I will end up at a weight I don’t think I have ever been by the time I am done with my exams in another eight weeks. And I really do not want that. I don’t want to go there. I don’t want to have to start there in July.

That is why I decided that even though I am busy studying for exams, I will just have to do Weight Watchers again. I will just have to invest the extra time in cooking and I will have to cut all the pizza and chips out of my diet again. I clearly am not capable of holding a healthy balance without controlling myself right now, so I will have to control my food intake. I started doing Weight Watchers again on Thursday (I never actually canceled my subscription) and while the past week has not really been on plan due to the large amount of food I still had in the fridge that isn’t quite weight loss compatible, I think I am on the right path. And I will simply be disciplined in the grocery store again. I know I can do that and that it is easier than you’d think once I’m in the right mindset. I can say no. I just really have to say no. I cannot buy a bar of chocolate and plan on just eating one piece a day, because guess what? That’s not going to happen.

I also have to go back to the gym. I have not been since the end of January. In February I went home for a couple of weeks and I have not been at the gym since. Just like with Weight Watchers, I keep paying for my membership but I am not using it. And that is something else that I need to do again. While I am still busy with exams, I doubt I will be going more than twice a week, but even once or twice is more than what I have been doing in the past 4 months.

So this? Is me committing to this. I will keep posting semi-regular updates on my progress on here. My weight loss blog is still temporarily (and possibly permanently) abandoned, as it is too hard for me to keep up with two blogs right now (and possibly always). Will you help me keep myself accountable?

How is this spring going for you in terms of weight loss, working out & living healthily? Are you sticking to your goals or have you been slacking off lately as well? If so, want to join me in recommitting to our goals?